That Push Though...
So, have you figured out if I was motivated or not?
Believe it or not, some would argue that I'm not. Why? Because if it doesn't generate income, it's not productive, successful, useful, and just not practical or logical. That shouldn't limit what motivation looks like though.
My personality can be likened to... a starving artist. I see psychology as art. It can be interpreted in so many different ways. There is no right answer. How can there be? We assume to know everything when we barely understand anything. Even if it is understood, it comes into such scrutiny that even the right answer can be twisted to be wrong. Besides that, generalization makes it hard for anything to be accurate. There is no way everything can apply to everyone. Just because there is evidence of abused children becoming abusers, doesn't mean that ALL children who are abused will be abusers; they may become protectors instead.
I spent most of my life (so far) making mistakes. It was those mistakes that led to my experiences. And I needed those experiences to find me. I found my career goal, identity, and self-confidence in not only myself, but my abilities. I'm tired of being the stereotypes that helped shaped my situation and conditioned my behavior. I was not prepared to be in a world designed to eat me alive and take advantage of me. But, can I train myself to be?
My motivations are in no particular order, but need to happen. The reason I'm not particular on the order is because plans never stay the way I planned them. So I had to become like water. I had to adapt. So far my motivations are:
> Design my degree in Social Child Psychology
> Work in my chosen field of study
> Get my children back
Yes, I want my kids back. I made mistakes that got me to this point in my life. I am not financially able to provide for them at this moment, but you damn well better believe that I will do everything in my power to take care of them. Where there is a will there is a way, right?
As it so happens, my kids are visiting me for the summer. Am I prepared? No, and I'm scared shitless. What the hell am I gonna do?
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